I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
