he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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