New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
