he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
