He asked to "fluff my boner.."
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
