There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She needs sedatives and a leash
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
