Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
