i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He shit in the fireplace
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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