the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
