Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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