i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
