Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
did i just pee glitter
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
