Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
