***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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