So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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