yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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