carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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