Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
