people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Randomize
