I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
