So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Less talking, more tequila
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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