So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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