My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
