So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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