she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
