I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
only you would photoshop your dick
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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