as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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