This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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