Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
