office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i came on her dog
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's blow job season.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
