So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
