i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
