actually, I'm a sock model
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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