YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
