Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize