Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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