Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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