They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
