The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
