News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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