i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
