he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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