my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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