I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize