if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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