shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
