So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
