hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
