Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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