Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize