He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
