Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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