i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
