So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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