just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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