I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
