I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He passed out mid-signature
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
