It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize