You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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