hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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