He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
