I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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