the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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