be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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