you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
