I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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