well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
