I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
