the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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