I have demons in me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
