this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
