i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
