...so i touched it.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
