Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize