i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
