Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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