ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
