He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
