I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
