i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
