I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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