I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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