Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
