I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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