My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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