I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
